" I regret everyday not saying this to you "

 

" I regret everyday not saying this to you "

(A monologue for love, loss, and quite forgiveness)

Regret.

It is not just a word- it is an emotion that eats you alive.

I have felt it and it absolutely kills me to not tell you how much I liked you and now I cannot tell you that.

I had chances but I always told myself that I will do some other time but I had not realised that it will become too late.

Now, I don't even see you .

That thought of not seeing you makes me cry every morning. 

Those black and red spectacles , your messy hair and that haughty tone in your voice. I miss them a lot.

If I would have told you just one sentence with three words that day on my birthday when I last saw you .

I would not be crying today. My memories keep replaying in my mind like an old radio recorded tape.

Same voice. Same person.

I cannot meet you. I cannot say it to you also that " I love you " .

This breaks my heart and I play the songs you have suggested to keep you in my memories .

And I think I have done a great job because even after two years , I remember who you are and the first think I asked my friend was about YOU.

You have never been erased from my mind , your name has been engraved on my heart like it was written on a rock.

I need help because whenever I play any songs that we both knew , I would think about you and break into tears.

Tears that start like raindrops but end like a huge waterfall.

It feels like I have left half of my heart with you .

I know you do not know that I loved you.

If I would have said it on the last day , then I wouldn't feel pain like my chest physically hurts.

I think I have come realise that the past cannot be changed .

But I know, If I had a chance then I would definitely come for you.

And I know that even though you say no , I can take it because that regret and guilty feeling will not be there.

It would make me feel better.

 

This chance of changing the past might never come but I have my future in my hands.

I would make a choice that would not hurt me but heal me .

 

-  TEJASRI SAGAR LANKA